Man worries

Okay...so before my procedure i talk to Jim...tell him how scared i am....he holds me....comforts me....assures me. Such a great guy. As i am leaving he gives me another big hug a quick kiss and he tells me...he loves me. I know...wow eh?

Now if we had just met it would be waaaaaaaaaaay to quick for that...but seeing how we've known and been friends for a long time...it was just a moment of sheer joy in debville.

As it turns out Jim has been interested in me for some time now....when i go back over the IM's and mail conversations we've had....he frequently asked me over...out...asked me if he could come to my house...and i usually was busy or for some other reason said no. When i moved in here i asked him to help me move a sofa and chair...he did so without a second's hesitation. Should have realized at that moment it was true love....LOL

Today he went to the SCA "war" (camping, dressing up in old clothes and beating each other with sticks) i really wanted to go...really really really bad. I stayed home. We had a fight last night....actually i had a fight...he had a calm conversation. Any way when he left i gave him a quick hug and kiss and told him to have fun...got in my car and cried my eyes out.

He is still concerned that i am too sick to go (turns out he is right as i've been worshipping the porcelin throne quite a bit today....prolly cause i had a ......i am not sick celebration pizza yesterday...but that isn't the point) He was also worried i wouldn't have fun cause it'd be hot and dirty...with no bathrooms and no showers. I took that concern and turned it into him not wanting me around....then stormed off. 10 minutes after telling him i was done having conversation with him i realized i was being unreasonable...tried to call...tried to IM...but he didn't answer or respond.

Not sure why i do that kind of thing...it's just that the procedure went so well...i figured he'd be as excited that i am getting better as i am and he'd stand up and yell Hip hip hooray! Yeah...well he didn't do anything close to that. argh!

We fixed it though...i love that about him....he just kinda looks at me when i am being totally unreasonable...laughs it off and waits for sanity to be regained.

He is so in tune with me. It's frankly frightening. I feel vunerable. Deb no longer does vunerable....it's just dangerous for the heart. So what am i going to do? If he feels about me how i feel about him we are going to end up married until we are little old people. That thought frightens the ba-geebers outta me.

Relationships aren't my strong suit. In fact i am just bad at them. I am good with non boy girl relationships..i give excellent boy girl relationship advice...if i don't say so myself. However put me in a situation where there is a boy...who is clearly interested and really sent from heaven above and i become a terrible obstinate beast. Twisting words and meanings and pushing whatever buttons i can find.

Hmmmmm....i wonder if it's fat girl's workings again.....i've been starving her...and maybe she's getting her revenge by making me run away....that or else I think fat girl is a lesbian...she doesn't like me dating boys! LOL

I think i need some space. How conveinent that Jim is in Flagstaff beating people up with sticks! See he does that right. ::::mumbles something about perfect men under her breath:::::::