Today Kelly saw Abby for the first time since Dylan died. It was hard.

The last place we went was the grocery store...so many well meaning people made a fuss over Abby. One lady asked if Abby (who was wearing pink and white) was Eric's little brother. Sheesh! Could she have asked a worse question? It was horrible. I finally told Kelly that my toe was really hurting and went and sat in the truck and cried until she was done shopping.

It hurts! I am still hoping to wake up and have it be all a bad dream. Dylan is such a big part of our lives...and he is missing. Kelly and I should be showing our babies off together. I am so mad that we aren't. This is not how I envisioned things when we were pregnant together. I never thought I'd be opening baby gifts and sympathy cards at the same time.

God better have a DAMN good reason for taking Dylan! I am mad at Him for doing it. I have discovered in the past how useless it is to be mad at God...but for some reason it doesn't stop me now.

I have learned that from now on I will be much more careful with my words to people I don't know. I had never realized that fussing over a baby could be such a hurtful thing to those people in earshot. I never want to make anyone hurt the way I did in that store today. Just think if it hurt me that bad....what did it do to Kelly?

There are no words to describe how much this sucks.